Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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