i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
