I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
