Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
