she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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