Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
