it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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