this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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