Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I would fuck him just for his dog
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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