My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
