Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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