I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
