No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
