there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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