Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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