Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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