dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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