New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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