the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
