Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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