rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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