Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
