I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
