i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
BRING THE BAGELS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
