loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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