SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
