So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize