you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
