evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
