my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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