how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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