His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
