I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
