You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
