i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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