Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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