i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
