i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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