sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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