I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
