I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
