You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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