i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
