dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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