Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
