i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
