U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
