i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
