my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize