Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize