every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
