you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
