its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize