I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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