Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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