just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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