I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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