I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
