my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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