You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
