please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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