yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
